Category Archives: LPs

Vintage Nude LP Covers

Great covers from around the world. The sixties were a great time for this stuff. Japan seemed to lead the way with some truly beautiful covers and models. The combinations were a bit weird. Why not throw a fine naked girl on a bad piano jazz LP. It’s bound to sell a few copies. I doubt that these would pass the censors today. How did we get less adventurous and more PC in 50 years?

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Sexy – Not Sexy

While looking through bad album cover design (something I love to do) I noticed how some of the cover models must have thought how goddamn hot they looked or that the persona they chose for themselves was one of pure sex  and charisma and they just had to share it with the world. Some are just purely ill-conceived – what the monkey was Action Bronson trying to say w/ his LP Saab Stories? And goddamn it if I’m not tired of seeing Madonnas old crotch staring at me from the shelves. You just can’t say enough about former Dexy’s Midnight Runner front man and singer of 80’s staple “Come On Ilene – To Ra Aye” cross dressing LP My Beauty. Of course there’ll be LPs designed to shock “My Pussy Belongs to Daddy” and the wonderfully named Nigel Pepper Cock’s hit – Fresh White Reeboks Kicking Your Ass. PS – Vince Capretta is wearing underpants – I think.

Carlos

Carlos

Vincent Capretta - Who's Lookin' BAck

Vincent Capretta – Who’s Lookin’ Back

Gary - Getting Down to Business

Gary – Getting Down to Business

Kevin Rowland - My Beauty (Ex- Dexy's - "Come on Ilene")

Kevin Rowland – My Beauty (Ex- Dexy’s – “Come on Ilene”)

Gunther - Pleasure Man

Gunther – Pleasure Man

Madonna - Hard Candy (Tired Old Madge)

Madonna – Hard Candy (Tired Old Madge)

My Pussy Belongs to Daddy

My Pussy Belongs to Daddy

Martin Denny - Romantica

Martin Denny – Romantica

Nigel Pepper Cock

Nigel Pepper Cock – Fresh White Reeboks Kickin Your Ass

Barbara Markay - Give your Dick to Me

Barbara Markay – Give your Dick to Me

Porn Land

Porn Land – In The Nude

Butthole Surfers - Rembrandt Pussyhorse

Butthole Surfers – Rembrandt Pussyhorse

Action Bronson - Saab Stories

Action Bronson – Saab Stories

Gepy

Gepy & Gepy – Body to Body

Dan Grary - Lady's Fancy

Dan Grary – Lady’s Fancy

Randy Jack Wiggins

Randy Jack Wiggins

Oral Sex - Oral Sex (?)

Oral Sex – Oral Sex (?)

 

 

 

 

 

Bad Christian LP’s – Suggestive Titles and WTF

What were they thinkin? Maybe it’s my 4th grade sense of humor but some of these seem a tad … suggestive/sexual/rapey. Some are just odd, all are wonderful. I mean “The Afternoon Tea-Baggers”, “Adventures of Uncle Cousin” or the fabulously titled “Don’t Miss the Great Snatch” by Elder Marshall Taylor. Apparently the Lord does move in mysterious ways.

Joy, Joy, Joy  by The Afternoon T-Baggers

Joy, Joy,  by The Afternoon Tea-Baggers

The Gospelaires Trio - Sounds of His Coming

The Gospelaires Trio – Sounds of His Coming

Adventures of Uncle Cousin -

Adventures of Uncle Cousin – Bill Salisbury

Don't Miss the Great Snatch -

Don’t Miss the Great Snatch – Elder Marshall Taylor

Butch Yelton

Butch Yelton & Upbound – Swing That Gospel Axe

He Touched Me  - Greg Kendrick

He Touched Me – Greg Kendrick

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The Daugherty Sisters – Singing Gospel Favorites

Let Me Touch Him -

Let Me Touch Him – The Ministers Quartet

If I Were a Woman - Ira North

If I Were a Woman – Ira North

Lord Touch Me - Orvel & Orvella

Lord Touch Me – Orvel & Orvella

The Carpenters Tool - Wendy Bagwell & the Sunliters

The Carpenters Tool – Wendy Bagwell & the Sunliters

Do You Want to Touch Me - Johnny Carroll

Do You Want to Touch Me – Johnny Carroll

Something Happened to Daddy

Something Happened to Daddy – David & Rhonda Bean

We Are Being Invaded by Demons -

We Are Being Invaded by Demons – Mahulda Ezra & Pastor Deke Gozinia

The Lords Coming Again - The Amazon Twins

The Lords Coming Again – The Amason Twins

The Feelings That We Feel - The Galileans

The Feelings That We Feel – The Galileans

Don't Pity Me

Don’t Pity Me – Chris Miskelly & Betty Baker

I've Tasted and I Know The Lord is Good -

I’ve Tasted and I Know The Lord is Good – The Rathbuns

Gods Choosen Puppet

Gods Choosen Puppet – Ann Kathaleen Beaty

 

Mondo Vinyl

You may have seen Mondo’s versions of movie posters here and there – I’ve posted quite a few. They’re beautiful limited edition hand screened prints illustrated by some unbelievably talented artists. Over the last few years Mondo has started producing movie soundtrack vinyl with the same attention to detail and striking illustration. Only a limited number of these are produced, with even fewer colored vinyl version, and some have become quite expensive and rare. If your a vinyl collector seek these out as they are truly amazing.

Shaun of the Dead

Shaun of the Dead

Halloween

Halloween

Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park

Paranorman

Paranorman

Maniac

Maniac

Cat in the Brain

Cat in the Brain

Looper - ltd Ed in a hand burnt burlap cover

Looper – ltd Ed in a hand burnt burlap cover

Blue Sunshine

Blue Sunshine

Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the Galaxy

Deadly Spawn

Deadly Spawn

Time Crimes

Time Crimes

Batman the Animated Series

Batman the Animated Series

Pet Semetary

Pet Semetary

Gravity

Gravity

Iron Giant

Iron Giant

Oblivian

Oblivian

Re-Animator

Re-Animator

LPs – A Different Kind of Record

These LPs are all from people who are handicapped, in one way or another. All are from the 60’s (1 from the 70’s) and all are on private labels. The prevailing maladies seem to be either blindness, dwarfism or lack of limbs.  And almost all are about their relationship with Jesus. Most appear relatively happy and excited to be singing for the lord. This isn’t meant to make fun of the handicapped but to show how amazing it was a few years back when anyone could make their own album, individuals, churches, etc.  Is their a corresponding market today? I doubt it – there doesn’t seem to be many CDs that come close to “No Crippled Girls in Heaven” or “Little Richard Miller – Born Without Arms or Legs – Jesus Use Me”.

Something Special from Jeff

Something Special from Jeff

Lanita Eversole - No Crippled Girls in Heaven

Lanita Eversole – No Crippled Girls in Heaven

Denise - Closer to the Savior

Denise – Closer to the Savior

Jerry D. Brown - A Crippled Boys Prayer

Jerry D. Brown – A Crippled Boys Prayer

Gary Brandford - I'm not handicapped, just inconvenienced. (Gary is a ventriloquist)

Gary Brandford – I’m not handicapped, just inconvenienced. (Gary is a ventriloquist)

The Brailettes - Our Hearts Keep Singing

The Brailettes – Our Hearts Keep Singing

Judy & Barbara the blind Slye twins - It's Me Again Lord

Judy & Barbara the blind Slye twins – It’s Me Again Lord

Bobby Jones & the Outlaws - Lately

Bobby Jones & the Outlaws – Lately

Short in stature, Big in talent

#1 Lowell Mason

The Crusaders of Illinois & the Singing Midget - Colorful Stylings

The Crusaders of Illinois & the Singing Midget – Colorful Stylings

Lowell Mason The Singing Midget - At the Corner of Amen St. and Hallelujah Square

Lowell Mason The Singing Midget – At the Corner of Amen St. and Hallelujah Square

Lowell Mason - Promo Shot

Lowell Mason – Promo Shot

Little Lowell Sings Praise the Lord

Little Lowell Sings Praise the Lord

The Gospel Midgets - Whatcha Gonna Do

The Gospel Midgets – Whatcha Gonna Do

Los Pequenos Gigantes (The Little Giants) - Cuantos Cartu

Los Pequenos Gigantes (The Little Giants) – Cuantos Cartu

Cuatitos Cantu

Cuatitos Cantu

Richard Miller

Glenda Lee (Day) & Richard Miller - Dixie Echoes ('66)

Glenda Lee (Day) & Richard Miller – Dixie Echoes (’66)

"Little" Richard Miller - Jesus Use Me

“Little” Richard Miller – Jesus Use Me

Richard & Gail Miller -  Sing Songs of Love

Richard & Gail Miller – Sing Songs of Love

 

Design: The 50 Worst Popular Album Covers

This would be easy to fill up if you were to include every bad Heavy Metal LP or half-assed Christian DYI record but the chore here is to award those with a bit of fame who should have known better. Also not included are those that were cool in their time but haven’t aged that well – *see almost every New Wave LP with special attention to the Duran Duran Patrick Nagel Albums. Apologies as this will probably be  super cynical, bitchy and judgmental but there you are. Please send your nominations for this prestigious honor.

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1. Kevin Rowland – My Beauty  1999
Kevin’s solo effort between Dexy’s Midnight Runners LPs (Come On Eileen). What in Christ’s name was Kevin thinkin with this slice of ugly drag. The LP sunk like a stone, selling only 20,000 copies worlwide and KR’s been living it down ever sense.

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2. Rolling Stones – GRRRR! – 2013  When in doubt put out another greatest hits package, but a happy gorilla with Stone logo lips and fangs?
3. The Cranberries – Bury the Hatchet – 1999    Hey Cranberries Pink Floyd wants their album cover back.

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4. Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon – 1973   A classic.  A boring over used shitty classic
5. Nirvana – Nevermind – 1991     I just can’t get behind this cover, no matter how hard I try. Great LP, bad cover art.

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6. Pearl Jam – 10 – 1991  Folds out to the awful “We’re in this together” pose. The ultimate high-five by a bunch of stand-up bros.
7. Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs – Mosquito – 2013  Ironic? Weird? Crazy? – Dumb!

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8. The Strokes – Angles – 2011 – The Strokes are a bit dancier now – which is fine but this 80’s throwback cover is not.
9. Michael Jackson – Hits – Whatever

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10. Black Sabbath – Paranoid – 1971
I guess Sabbath just couldn’t be bothered. The most evil band in the world uses a triple exposure of someone’s’ fat uncle with a toy sword and motorcycle helmet. Laughs instead of screams.

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11. Frank Black – The Cult of Ray – 1996  After the breakup of the Pixies, Frank Black aka Black Francis nee Charles Thompson recorded 2 great LPs w/ equally great covers then along came this. Terrible cover, terrible album.

12. Iggy Pop – Beat Em Up – 2001  C’mon Igg, what were you thinkin’?

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13. Joe Henry – Trampoline – 1996  Joe Henry is a great singer/song writer and producer. His LPs are all consistently good. I don’t know what this one sounds like because I refused to buy it because of this cover.

14. Neil Young – Fork in the Road – 2009  “Hey guys, just woke up from my nap, lets do an album.”

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15. Ron Sexsmith – Blue Boy – 2001   Another great singer/songwriter. Loved by many, championed by Elvis Costello. So why the naïf drawing and scrawled type?

16 Snoop Doggy Dogg – Doggy Style – 1993  Jeez man, just look at this thing! Beware the Dogg!

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17. Starship – Knee Deep in the Hoopla – 1985   Starship was the remaining dregs of the 70’s band Jefferson Airplane who became Jefferson Starship and then simply Starship. Even though this was the design wasteland of the 80’s there is no excuse for this.

18. The Who – by Numbers – 1975  Oh look, it was drawn by the bassist – nice work John.

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19. Queen – The Miracle – 1989  Pretty good Photoshop V1 work.

20. Europe – The Final Countdown – 1986    They’re Swedish. ‘Nuff said.

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21. James Brown – Take a Look at Those Cakes – 1978   “Goodness sakes. Take a look at those cakes.” Thanks James, you look good on that couch.

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22. Body Count – Body Count – 1990  Ice T’s heavy metal outfit. The cover says Cop Killer which coincidentally is the song T caved in on and took off the LP at Time-Warners request.

23. CS&N – Live it Up – 1990  Hot dogs on the moon means…?

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24. Cat Stevens – Mona Bone Jakon – 1970    Ok first album design jitters.

25. Elton John – Capt. Fantastic & the Brown Dirt Cowboy – 1975   The title as well as the creepy drawing of Elton make this # 25

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26. Velvet Underground – 1969 Vol 2 – 1974  Not really offensive or bad, just kind of …unh?

27. Mike Watt – “Hyphenated-Man” – 2010   He of the Minuteman, respected session player and collector of unexplainable ‘art’. Oh and nice use of Comic Sans type face.

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28. The Roots – Rising Down – 2008   Really?  I mean really!?

29. Pantera – Metal Magic – 1983  Sweet pinkish panther thing with a wicked sword,  reflective hand drawn type and a stormy dark landscape. Beautiful.

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30. Millie Jackson – Back to the S@#t – 1989  Voted the worst album ever on many polls (I just made that up). Millie took a chance, not only w/ an LP full of swearing and dirty songs but an appropriate cover to match. There is no other way to think of Millie Jackson than her on this cover holding that one shoe and in pain(?).

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31. Scorpians – Lovedrive – 1979   The famous Gum-Boob cover.

32. Megapuss – 2011   Devendra Banhart and some other smelly hippy are Megapuss!

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33. T Rex – Futuristic Dragon – 1976  Marc Bolan and T Rex’s last LP, before he crashed into a tree and died. A great artist w/ a terrible swan song cover (the music however is Bolan back to form).

34. Ted Nugent – Love Grenade – 2007  Thanks Ted – You dick!

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35. Talking Heads – True Stories – 1986  Bored guys? Thanks for trying.

36. Spiritualized – Sweet Heart, Sweet Light – 2011  Ditto

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37. Marvin Gaye – In Our Lifetime – 1981  Heaven and Hell, blah, blah, blah. C’mon Marvin get back to the sexy stuff.

38. Joss Stone – Color Me Free – 2009    This is truly, truly bad. Is this a coloring book for serial killers?

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39. Gin Blossoms – No Chocolate Cake – 2010    Didn’t you guys have a couple hits back in the 90’s? Oh wait, it’s the Loverboy cover with cake.

40. James – Hey Ma – 2008   They are the band that had one US hit w/ a song called Laid – remember? Me neither.  This is their come back album.

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41. Rush – Hemispheres – 1978   God help us. Stupid Metal-Prog bullshit design that makes no sense. Did every Prog band in the 80’s see the same Dali painting or something.

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42. Rolling Stones – Dirty Work – 1986    Hey it’s The Stones again! Good to see you boys.

43. Prince – For You – 1978  It’s all about the hair – and the girly type face.

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44. Guns & Roses – The Spaghetti Incident – 1993   I really don’t understand the point of this cover. Is there a reference I’m missing or something? Plus it’s hard to read and the spaghetti looks awful

45. The Kinks – Low Budget – 1979  Low budget indeed. The once great Kinks take a taste break.

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46. Whitesnake – Lovehunter – 1979  Kind of a typical Hair-Metal album but extra bad.

47. The Black Keys – Brother – 2011   Bad type choice on a lazy cover.

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48. Hall & Oates – 1975  If you were to buy this LP because of the cover you’d expect a gay cabaret act – like Soft Cell or something. What you got was sweet boring MOR Philly soul.

49. Phish – Billy Breathes – 1996  Fuck these guys

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50. Kenny Loggins – Return to Pooh Corner – 1994  Ok, this is a kids LP but c’mon. A unicorn! And why isn’t the child-like reflection Kenny Loggins wearing a serape. And why … oh never mind.